Your relationship can recover from an affair and survive infidelity
The good news is that despite the pain you may be feeling right now, you and your marriage can recover from relationship infidelity.
I’ve helped many couples to recover from marital affairs. There is no ‘one size fits all’ explanation for affairs and every situation is unique. You should not assume that the marital affair happened because of you, or even because of distress in your relationship. Sometimes that can be the reason, but often it is more complex.
Did the betrayal blindside you? Has the shock caused you to become paralysed and unable to process the despair? Do you feel like someone close has died?
You have an endless loop of questions going through your head night and day: How could this happen?… How could he/she who I loved so deeply betray my trust?… What did I miss?…what did I do wrong?… Is it my fault?
Try to avoid impulsive decisions
You are experiencing profound grief, loss and trauma. It is most important that during this crisis you avoid making any impulsive decisions that may adversely impact yourself and your family. Despite the pain of betrayal, you do not want to make the situation worse than it is, so I encourage you to take some time to calm yourself before you decide how to proceed. Counselling for recovery from a marital affair can be a very helpful way for one or both partners to process their response to the emotional impact. Sometimes this counselling is best handled individually and sometimes as a couple. Every situation is different. The counselling requires the greatest care and respect and it is critical that you only engage a therapist who has the skills, experience, qualifications and understanding to work with the challenges that each couple brings to therapy.
Your marriage does not have to end.
Your marriage does not have to end due to a marital affair. Once an affair occurs and is openly acknowledged in the safe space of therapy, a couple can start to heal and create an even stronger bond than existed before. You may not feel that would be the best outcome for your relationship right now, but I can assure that it is possible.
Your recovery will take courage and commitment. Trust will take time to heal and patience is also required. I can help you to process the impact on you and your family. My extensive experience in this field is critical and this can help you work through feelings of shame and judgment, as we gently explore what meaning the marital affair has for each of you.
A compassionate and non-judgemental approach
I have helped couples recover from affairs who come from diverse backgrounds of many cultures and religions, working with both heterosexual and LGBTQI relationships. The ages range from early 20’s through to couples in their 70’s. Some therapists can have a judgemental view of affairs. Sometimes this is due to religious beliefs or to their own experience of infidelity. I can assure you that I have no such judgement and that I approach each couple with the greatest warmth and compassion.